Turbulence

It's not done yet.. That's the trouble with abstracts, difficult to decide

when they're done, but my instincts say this needs some more work. It's been a

long time since I've worked for a good part of the day and almost all of the

night on a painting, I'm reminded of my school and college days when I used to

be this obsessed. It's a happy feeling.. no, deeper than that.. it's a very

fulfilling feeling. There is something so sensually and spiritually satisfying

to smear colour on canvas, especially oil paints. Water colour has a more

ethereal feeling.

I intended to do a landscape actually, but as it often happens, the mind

decides what it wants to do, and I let it. I need to give vent to my feelings,

poetry and paint help me to do that. So, yes, Turbulence, as I'm calling this,

does reflect the turbulence I am feeling. Some artists say that painting is

cathartic, even therapeutic, helps in resolving, at least assuaging turmoil,

or sorrow, or pain, or even expressing joy. But I don't experience that. When I feel pain

or joy.. or anything.. while I do express it in my painting or poetry, but it

does not really assuage it, especially pain. The pain remains in the heart, I

just put a bit of it on canvas or into words.

I wonder what I else I want to do with this painting. My mind is alive and

awake and happy, my body is tired, my spirit is limping. I need to nurse it,

but I don't know how to. What a paradoxical state of mind I am in.. happy

about painting, unhappy because of my heartache.. Why is Life so complicated

always..

This blog is becoming like a diary.. I had meant it to be just a place to put

my art and poetry in..