The Songbird

The Songbird



The songbird cries

Freedom is my thrill, my joy

I leave my histories behind

With every thrust of my beating wings

I lift my eyes up, burst through the treetops

I seek my tomorrows

Skywards, My abode is beyond the rain-clouds

Beyond the tossing winds, I know

Of silver linings, I learn

Of silences and stillness and

Eternities -

I am as light as the air where I fly

As bright as the light that shines

Over me


Will you listen to my songs?

Can you hear my calls?

Pieces of my heart

It was a little too mundane, even plebeian

One could say

The cleaver’s hacking of the deadened joint

A commonplace enough event

In any roadside butcher’s shop.


One hardly smelt the blood spattered

Threadbare face he wore

As he struck with insensate swoops.

One barely registered the entrails and the gizzard

And pieces of a heart, still throbbing

Lying in clumped lumps – lesser meat for lesser folk.



I must hurry out in the clean sunshine

Dip my eyes in the burning glare

Up to the roots of my burning toes

Still that throbbing in those

Pieces of my heart.



I will seek my reimbursement where the peepal leaves shudder

In the cloud-winds that whip the grasses of boulder strewn hills

That purple my horizon.

I will walk. I will watch. I will sometimes even touch.



But never to feel. Never to feel. The need

That feeds like blind gastropods that worm up from the sodden earth.

The sodden earth where I lie buried. Hair, teeth and limbs.

And of course those pieces of my heart

Still throbbing, but only just. But only just.



I must hurry out in the clean sunshine

Dip my eyes in the burning glare

Up to the roots of my burning toes

Still the throbbing in those

Pieces of my heart.


by Rita Putatunda

Seeking the other half of me

Caged I am within myself
Things I dream of
Have been left just dreams
Life goes by, each end of day
Brings a little death of my dreams
Sometimes it feels
As if I am cursed
For I can't find
The other half of me

It's all karma, some people say
Fate has passed its life sentence
I must be this incomplete
Half of me, caged within me
And yet, each morning
I spin my dreams anew
Willing the sun to kiss each
Rainbow strand, tenderly, lovingly -
Hope never dies, some people say

Of my caged dreams
Perhaps there will never be release
But wherever I go
Around each blind bend
I expect to find
The other half of me
Hope never dies, some people say

Rita Putatunda

Losing weight and feeling strong..yet, restless

I've been up since 3, as has become usual here.. Done my yoga and pranayama.. Sipping tea now with   Ma while watching the sky lighten up..will go for my walk at 6, as I usually do here.. The steep inclines in the terrain here gives me such a good workout that I am losing all that fat I had accumulated..so am feeling strong and lean.. Strangely, though I exercised equally hard in Seattle my weight loss was much slower.. Nandi thinks it's because of the daily evening wine we used to have there.. Alcohol does inhibit weight loss.. Here, since it's so hot, I don't feel like drinking any alcoholic stuff at all.. Seattle, being so cold, one felt the need of the warmth alcohol provides.

Though I'm feeling physically healthy and strong, I am feeling strangely restless... Pessimistic.. Alone.. 

Almost 3, and I'm up.. for yoga

It seems to work almost like clockwork, my sleep patterns, I mean. My eyes fly open at 3, whether I want to or not. Ma has also got up, I can hear her stir about in her room. But I love this silent part of the day.. it's still dark outside, and cool, no breeze, so no sound of the trees stirring.. not even a dog is barking.. the only sound is of the fan whirring overhead.. And a deep sense of peace that is engulfing me.. I love doing my yoga and pranayama in this state of being.. Later, around 5ish, the birds.. there are so many hoots and screeches and tweets of unidentifiable birds, but the main sound is the beautiful summery sound of the cuckoo that resounds all around when they join in the birds orchestra..

But right now, I am savouring the silence, and will enjoy my yoga stretches :)

Beautiful Bangalore, Dying to paint

It's about 10:30 in the night, everybody's asleep at home, except for me. Strangely, am not sleepy at all, considering the 2-1/2 hour walk I had this morning. I woke up at about 3:30 am.. which seems to be the time my body clock has set for Bangalore.. did my yoga and pranayama, gave Ma her tea and a little bite of breakfast and decided to go for a walk when the sky started lightening up. Although Sumit and I have been walking around Nandini Layout (where we live), I was longing to set off on the walks I used to take way back then, years and years ago.. to my favourite idli/dosa/filter-coffee place, Udupas, in Rajajinagar.. about 45 minutes walk from here. This morning I just took off. Things have changed quite a bit here.. many new buildings and so on, and I've never been good at finding routes despite being familiar, so it took a while. Even that early in the morning there was quite a bit of traffic.. and people here in India (including me when I drive) love to blast their horns liberally (obviously I'm still in Seattle mode mentally, where you hardly ever hear a vehicle horn blowing), so that was off putting, somewhat.. but since the terrain here is similar to Seattle (and Pune) with fairly steep ups and downs, I got a pretty good workout.. and even though sadly Udupas no longer exists (an ugly building has come up in its place) I finally did enjoy the walk.. I plan to set off earlier tomorrow, maybe then I'll escape the petro fumes and horn blasts.

An old friend of Sumit's is coming for dinner tomorrow, so we will be busy cooking most of the morning..

Ma is much better now.. has begun acclimatising to the weather, the heat, here (the rains we got helped a lot), and as I predicted, her asthma and general ling condition has improved.. so I think it was a good decision to get away from the cold climes of Seattle.

I am getting strong urges to restart my painting.. One of these days I'll just spread out a canvas, open those tubes of paint, pick up my brushes, and slather on the colours.. must capture the greenery of Bangalore..

Arrived safe and sound :)

Yep.. Made it back safely after all. Though Ma had a tough time during the journey..it's really too long for her.. And she hasn't recovered yet from its after effects.. Is still feeling jet lagged and is having to use the nebuliser in the morning and evening.. Sumit and I are worried of course..

Bangalore is so beautiful.. Woke up early in the morning to a crescendo of cuckoos calling and crows cawing. Since it's so cold in Seattle, we are usually shut in, which shuts out nature's sounds. But of course the views there are so spectacular, so that makes up for the lack of bird sounds.

Malu (Malavika), Sumit's girl friend, a really lovely loving person, has also joined us here, has arrived here after her trip to her home town, Payyunur, in Kerala.. Sumit had also been there to her home and has brought back some gorgeous pictures.. Malu has promised to take me there when she goes next..

Made some fish curry, bong style, and had it with some jackfruit seed and raw mango curry, Kerala style, which Malu's Mom made and sent back with her. The highlight of the meal was the fresh curds I had with it..after all the Greek style yoghurt, it felt heavenly.. But am missing all the delicious fish I had back in Seattle.. Fresh halibut, black cod, salmon.. I wonder if one gets those fish here..

Bangalore isn't that hot, I mean compared to other places here in India in the summer, but after Seattle, it feels sweltering.. Ma's having a tough time too.. Sumit hasn't fixed the ACs yet, mainly because we will be shifting to a new flat, which will be ready some time in June.. But I think the AC has to be fixed and Ma has to gradually acclimatise to the weather here..