Monday, November 4, 2013

brown flowers in a brown vase






Oh God.. what a dilemma this is! Here I am, have been working on this painting for a while now. I put that reddish brown background base and the base blocking colours of the vase, the flowers and the stem. And then I painted that patterned table cloth... and now am struck with this dilemma - I like it as it is. I don't feel like putting the layers of colours that I need to, to finish the painting. This feeling strikes me often. For some reason, the incompleteness seems complete to me.


Without a backward glance





(a little something from something I’m working on, in fits and bits, about me, my life, sort of)

The first class compartment of the Southern Indian Railways in the early sixties consisted of a whole bogey – that was how the Brits used to travel, and changes hadn’t begun creeping in quite yet. The same carriage today, with an increase in the length – if it’s the first class, is divided into several cubicles which have upper and lower berths. They are still far more comfy and certainly far roomier than the second class sleepers, but nothing compared to those bogeys of the sixties.

The two seats were long, stretched lengthwise along the two windows on either side which had maroon painted bars, a glass drop-down window on the outside, and a slatted wooden one inside, for privacy. The seats had cushioned upholstery covered with dark green leather which had leather covered button things stitched on it all over with I.R. (Indian Railways) embossed on them. The two seats had a couple of berths on top of them. At one end of the bogey was the fairly roomy little bathroom (enormous by today’s standards) with a mirror over a stainless steel wash basin, and an English style (as it was called) commode – white with a black seat. A nice, comfortable room on wheels for a family of four to travel in.

The best thing I liked about that bogey was the little reading lamp that was provided, fixed to the compartment wall at the head of each long seat – which of course became a bed at night. These days they’ve simply done away with that feature in the sleepers I usually travel in. In the night, when the other occupants slept – we used the train to travel often to Calcutta – you could turn it on without waking anyone, and get engrossed in the convoluted intrigues in your favourite mystery book, engulfed in a cocoon of velvet, yellow light, as the train rocked and swayed through the night outside, lulling you in its snug, steady clickety-clack clickety-clack.

There was no direct line those days from Bellampalli to Hyderabad. The train, therefore after a four hour leg of the journey reached a junction at a place called Kazipet, from where we had to switch trains that would take us to Hyderabad, which took another four to five hours in those days of steam engines. A few years later that condition was improved somewhat, after the Singareni Collieries’ officers got after the railways to rectify the situation (the officers too needed to travel often to Hyderabad where they had their head office). The bogey we travelled in was thenceforth delinked from the train, fixed to an engine which pulled it – puff-puffing and choo-chooing – to a siding to wait for the train that went to Hyderabad to which it would be attached. Complicated? Yes. Fun? Oh, yes indeedy!

When the bogey was put in the siding, which was away from the main lines of course, it seemed like a microscopic little world marooned in the darkness, beaming out its feeble little yellow lights from its windows. The silence, if you stepped out, was profound. The stars shone like blue saffires in the night sky. And a midnight picnic was always spread out for us kids while we waited for the train – which could be a wait of anything between ½ an hour to a couple of hours – train timings those days being invariably erratic. But did we kids complain? Never. We loved every minute of it.

Not the boring oldies that accompanied us though – the parents. They complained and complained to the railways until finally by the time I was in the fifth or sixth class the main express trains that went to Hyderabad were routed through our small town to the city. By then diesel engines had also begun replacing those old steam engines – which of course cut the journey time down considerably. But somehow, losing that special magic too in the bargain.

When we reached Hyderabad station, we usually went first to the Taj Mahal hotel – a tacky South Indian hotel – despite its romantic, lofty name – which served the most delicious south Indian food, to wash off the layers of soot that covered us by the belching steam engine. That first time too my father must have taken me there. I don’t remember my first train journey to Hyderabad – to my boarding school – very well; I was just six years old. What I do remember vividly though was my first meeting with Sister Adele. My father and I must have spent a day resting in the hotel, for I remember like it was yesterday that dusk was falling when we entered the school precincts, my hand held in the warm comfort of his hand.

You entered the school through an arched wrought iron gate with the name ‘St. Ann’s High School’ moulded on the arch overhead. There was an expanse of paved ground inside the gate which led to a stretch of long steps which led to the church with its great arched doors. Which, when they were open, gave you a direct glimpse of the big Christ on his cross, his head encircled with thorns, his pierced chest, nailed outstretched hands and feet, dripping blood, at the end of the large church room down the aisle, with the pews on either side.

A narrow granite paved path by the church led to the parlour after turning right, where visitors had to wait to meet someone from the boarding after giving the nun who manned the little gate that you entered through, the name of the person you wanted to meet. The nun then proceeded to vigorously ring a round, thick metallic plate that hung by a thick rope just outside the parlour, with a short, stout wooden stick – which produced a dull, yet surprisingly loud, CLANG-CLANG-CLANG. Which, the girl, who had the duty to keep a sharp ear out for that sound, heard, and came running down the long narrow granite stretch from the boarding house proper to the parlour, to go back again and give the message to whoever the visitor was for. My father of course, that first time, asked for Sister Adele, the boarding mistress.

As the evening deepened, we waited outside the parlour, my hand still in my father’s hand. And soon enough, from the distance, we saw a nun approaching with brisk, no-nonsense steps towards us. As she drew closer I saw a white skinned, kindly face – her skin, I observed, was wrinkled like crushed fine wrapping paper, the kind that sweets came wrapped in – framed in a white nun’s veil, with a pair of smiling, bluest of blue eyes that looked down into mine. When she bent down and said “Hello” to me, I thought she spoke strangely – she was Italian, I came to know later. Without a second thought, I slipped my hand out of my father’s grasp, reached out and took hold of the bony white hand she stretched out to me, and without a backward glance, I walked away with her to the boarding house.

When we got inside the large hall, where a large gathering of girls sat at long desks with books opened in front of them, Sister Adele told them, “This is Rita. What a good girl she is, she didn’t cry at all!” At that moment I didn’t know why I was supposed to cry. It was later, when I climbed into the bed allotted to me in the long dormitory, with rows of beds, and realized that my mother and father would not be there with me, that I cried.

-by Rita Putatunda

Ma Kali, or The Goddess Kali







She is dark. She is Kalratri. She is the black night that existed before even light was created. She is Kalika - all of time - past, present and future. She is the fundamental power, the Adi Shakti. She is Para Prakriti, beyond nature. She is the ultimate reality. She remains unchanging, while the Maya of creations effervesce from her and pass away into nothingness. She is the creator and the destroyer of all manifestations, all worlds.

(I've been trying to ideate on Ma Kali - something different - to depict her as the description given above. This is a water colour, which I want to make into a big oil or acrylic painting on canvas. Still thinking about it - whether to make her face the primeval source of light, as I have done here, or make it fully dark, as the darkness that existed before even light was created.)

colouring my mind, in an art gallery


my fingers are twitching. i've been away from my canvas these past couple of days. my arid mind wants to be suffused with colour. colour that drips in thick globs of oil paint. or washes in the fluidity of acrylic paints. since i wasn't painting, i needed to go and find some paintings. just to look at. swim through colour and form depicted on canvases. my mind sends out its feelers and licks all that paint off the canvas, and stores it in some part of the brain, like bees storing honey – to nurture my soul, shriveled up somewhere inside. my restless soul. it flies from canvas to canvas trying to decipher these universes created by hands that have no need of the spoken word. transmogrifying everyday visions into subliminal messages. indelible impressions of folklore, idyllic depictions of landscape, exuberant renditions of ordinary people caught in their everyday lives. inarticulate abstractions of the paintbrush’s random meanderings on its mute realm - a stretched canvas, a board, a piece of paper. every rendition, no matter the genre, a palpable conduit of subconscious energy. coloured offerings to the gods of the senses, swirling with the lyrical nuances of poetry. colours strong, vibrant. colours speaking a language that have no need of punctuations, or standard grammatical structure, but are a dialogue of the senses. perceptions of metaphorical renditions of similarities and oppositions. unities and polarities. harmonies and tensions. embodying the enigmas of passions that merge into my being in subtle definitions.

-by Rita Putatunda

Friday, November 1, 2013

Of Writing, Poetry, Mostly


Writing – poetry, mostly – is like I become Humpty-Dumpty. Who must fall down.

And break apart. Revealing all the messy innards – the mucous of the mind, the

gelatinous soul, the yellow yolk of the heart – all lying there spattered on

the street, for people to stare at, examine, trample over. Should Humpty-

Dumpty then be put back together again? Or just let herself be dried out by

the sun, or, as more likely, licked up by some passing hungry canine.

Writing also feels like I become the clumsy cow that dares to leap over the

beauteous moon – so high up and remote in the dark sky. Where the stars gather

around her and worship her. What am I, I sometimes wonder, a graceless bovine,

who really ought to be loitering about in some deadbeat brown field, chewing

cud, doing in this rarefied realm? Should the moon protest then, for having

this ungainly cow, its smelly udders brushing against her fair face, jumping

over her?

Is creativity the mind bubbling over? Or am I just a bumbling charlatan using

it for cover? Why am I obsessed with this world of words words words? And what

if these words dry up? As they must do, sometime. What when words

abandon me?

What do you want to write today? The monitor questions with a blank face

everyday. And, unable to bear its smug blankness, I plunge in, my fingers

feverishly pounding the keyboard, like an engine pulling its long train

through the night, blowing its lonely whistle. The tracks glinting dimly ahead

– disappearing into nothingness. How much more of the track is left? What is

my destination? What will I find at the end of the journey? A station called

Satisfaction? Fulfillment? Achievement? Or just a plain wooden sign which says

– STOP – This Is The End – There is no more track ahead.

What is it that I want to say? And to whom? Am I talking to myself? Am I

sleepwalking myself over an edge? Am I rolling around in my own muck watching

myself squirm? Like a worm swallowing soil as it burrows in deeper and deeper

into the earth. How deep will it burrow in? And how much earth will it swallow

before the earth runs out? And it emerges from the other side. What is on the

other side? Blank space?

"One dark night
Fired with love’s urgent longings
--- Ah, the sheer grace!
I went out unseen,
My house being now all stilled." - St John Of The Cross

-by Rita Putatunda

Tulips, In Abstract - With the leaves added






Wow, can you see how rich the colours are of the flowers, and I haven't touched them, just added the leaves. The picture I took yesterday of this painting (sans the leaves) was indoors, with low light. Today I decided to take it outside and click it, hence the colours are showing true now.

Well, I decided the painting looked too bare, the leaves just had to be added, and though I was hesitant, I'm so glad I did. It does make the painting look more complete. I also strengthened the stems a little, wondering if I should do more of that. Seriously, I never feel a painting is complete, the more I look at it, the more I feel I need to add to it. But no, I must not, or I'll just overwork it and it will lose its spontaneity. That's also part of creativity, or creation - knowing when to let go.

I remember when my son was born, looking into his innocent, wondering eyes as he wriggled and looked around at this strange realm he had come into. I was really not ready to have a kid; I didn't know how I would take care of him, raise him, teach him... And no, when they say that it all comes instinctively, I know it does not - not for me at least. This much I knew instinctively, that it would be a learning process, both for him and me. And it would be a continuation of the creation that had begun in my womb. So I learned, while he learned too, and the years went by. Mistakes were made, sure, but so were right things.. Some came from instinct, but most came from trial and error and corrections.

But as he grew, he chafed at the mother-son relationship... and I came to realise, though it took a while, that it was time to let go.. that he had become a person in his own right... and that too was part of creation/creativity.

Letting go applies to most things in life, whether it's a child you've brought into this world, or a painting you've created... or, ultimately, one's own existence on earth.


Thursday, October 31, 2013

Tulips, In Abstract






I'm back working in oils, and I must say, though I do enjoy acrylics, oils is my favourite, will remain so. I just like its feel... its sensuousness. Though acrylics do create vivid colours too, but I feel oil colours are deeper.. I can't quite put my finger to it... must think more about it..

As for this painting, I like how the flowers have come out, though I think the stems are looking a little too weak and spindly - needs more highlights, and just a little thickening. I'm still pondering whether I should put some leaves in - my plan had been to put the leaves in, as it is in the picture I painted it from. But, at the moment, I feel I don't want to clutter it up. Besides, the leaves will cover up all that beautiful background I've created.

I've been working on this one for quite a while. In fact, I made the background and sketched the tulips, but just didn't know how I wanted to approach it - whether to attempt a realistic look or go totally abstract. Finally, I just took the bull by its horns and let my brush do what it wanted to.

And now, another blank canvas awaits me, which always fills me with trepidation and the fidgets. Talking about this with one of my artist friends the other day, he agreed that he too got the jitters when faced with a blank canvas. He thought that the fear of failure, of botching it up, is what makes us fearful. It's like taking that plunge into an unknown pool of water - you know you can swim, but you don't know the water you are venturing into. You wonder what unknown creatures lurk there, whether they would allow you to swim peacefully, or pull you down and drown you.