Saturday, July 26, 2014

nervus facialis

oh, er, excuse me, just a sec, while I put my teeth back
in my face, and yes, hang on will you, till
I unstick my lips from its doorjamb – oh yes, my eyes are somewhere,
now let me see where I mislaid them – oh,
there they are, in the stone mug of salt-water skull-hole,
oh dear, now where is that tongue of mine,
bottled up in some desiccated doldrums, I bet – and my ears,
they’re impaled on the muted thorn-bush of auditory-nervosa,
and how could I, I forgot my nose, my chloroformed nervii-olfactorii of exteroception, wait, wait, a minute more please, let me put back my cheeks and forehead, my brows and eyelashes, can you find my chin, oh, where is my smile, oh, thank you – there, I’m done – ready to face the day, and you --
am I happy or in agony, I don’t really know -- you tell me –

Friday, July 25, 2014

Lying - sleeping--- Awake

Dark-

ness awake

I lie sta--ring


Dark-

ness alive moul-

ding

With the ]

[walls] burying

me live


Closing ... closing in

[[on me]]


dark walls

of my awake

mind


dream

-ing sea waves

time & mind soldering

smouldering mouldering seam-

less - ly with the

Stars that hide

Out - side


In a – no – ther life

Seeking pasts

That don’t last

Lo - ver where

were you

When I was

Born?

Where

are you

In this dark

Morn?


Are Your

Eyes

((Heavy lids)) asleep?

You

Are

Fa – r ther Fa – rth – er F – ar – th - er

Far Far Further than

The moon

That shines cold

White

Deep ... Deep ...

In the clouds


Natal - being

me

Coiled

In the still birth-

ing


Playing in the

Sand pits

Of child - dream

Dream – ing


Drift wood

Drift – ing sift – ing

Shif - ting

In the quick – sands

Laughing ... laughing

Laughing


Crying in the night


Rain - black

Washing

Swishing swashing calling

Calling ... calling ...


Crying


Dark [[[walls closing]]]

Closing in…clos – ing cl – o sing

in

Running

Out - of - dreaming


Lying - sleeping---

 Awake

Thursday, July 24, 2014

At the Reservation Counter

(I am travelling by train after a long long time... I'm trying to recollect when I last did, and I can't. Anyway, I went to reserve my ticket to  Mumbai.. -- Yeah, actually went physically, instead of doing it online as I was advised to do, simply because I am still so old school about matters like actually having a ticket in my hand on board the train, since I am travelling alone -- ..Anyway, as I was saying, on my way to the railway reservation counter, which I went to early in the morning, hoping to be first in what I expected to be a long, interminable queue, I expected to spend a good part of the day there, for which I had armed myself with a book (how old school is that!), but to my pleasant surprise, I found the counters almost empty of queues, jostling people.. And my work was done in 5 minutes! I think the reason is that most people have started booking their tickets online, plus, at least in Bangalore, the railways have opened a number of reservation counters at various points in the city, thus solving the hassles of overcrowding. Whatever may be the reason, I was reminded of a short story I had written years back about my experience at a reservation counter.. Here it is.)

She was beautiful. I was a young man infatuated by her looks.

Long queues snaking towards pigeon hole ticket counters. A sizzling day in May. Asphalt melting, the pavements baking, outside, in the mid morning glare. The fans overhead desultorily whirring sending down waves of oven hot air. The large railway reservation hall, usually airy, stifling, jammed with people. The whole city seemed to be in a state of exodus to escape the scorching summer heat. 

I was at the end of the queue at counter number 17. She, a little ahead of me at the next one, at counter number 16. She caught my eye instantly the moment I entered. Thirty-ish, curvy, hair cropped short, striking. She looked out of place there. She held a glossy magazine to her lipsticked face, with her red varnish tipped hands. Occasionally looking up to check the progress of the line. The lines were creeping along at a snail’s pace. 

The old man stood in front of her. Limp grey hair clinging to the sides of his scalp, the top, a patch of brown skin, shiny with sweat. His cadaver like body stooped, belying his height. His thin-lipped mouth hanging open in a black void, displaying the few straggling yellowing teeth left. His eyes lusterless, the pupils hazy brown. He shifted from one foot to the other as he waited in the line. 

The heat grew in intensity as the day wore on. The old man slowly licked his thin dry lips with a thick greyish pink tongue. She continued reading her magazine, turning the pages slowly. The dark ends of her hair turning into damp curls as droplets of sweat broke out on her delicate skin at the nape of her neck. I toyed with the idea of approaching her and making contact with some innocuous remark. But dismissed the thought. A snub was all I’d get, I could tell. 

The large round clock on the wall said 11 o’clock. We had hardly moved forward. Computerization was supposed to speed things up, but things seemed to be as slow as the days of tickets being punched out after being painstakingly handwritten upon. Efficiency and speed were simply alien concepts to the Indian railway’s bureaucratic mindset, I fumed cantankerously. 

Despite the heavy rush at the booking counters I could see several shut down. What did these guys lack? Manpower? Here? In India? Unless they felt the bite of competition they would never change their ways. Privatization was the only answer to getting better service. Ramesh, my roommate was right. We were in the fourth year of Engineering, the exams being unexpectedly postponed, I was trying to get a ticket to go home. But looking at the size of the rush I wondered if it was a futile endeavor. 

The glass sliding doors behind kept opening and shutting as more people poured in from the heat outside into the furnace inside. I longed for a glass of the iced pink water melon juice being sold outside, but I dared not leave my place in the queue. I had seen angry squabbles arise out of people going out and trying to regain their place again at such lines. With the mercury tipping at 44 degrees Celsius, the utter weariness of standing unending hours, tempers were bound to be frayed, bonhomie destined to be non-existent. 

And there were people everywhere. Everyone trying to get somewhere. Some were bunched at the large board which had the names, and the departure/arrival times of various trains. Groups of people hunched over the little counters against the walls, hastily scribbling into their little reservation slips. Some stood huddled, heads thrown back, staring at the monitors flashing pink, green, blue reservation information. And of course the masses of people who hung on stoically in the hardly moving queues. 

And the hands of the clock unhurriedly ticked on. And the heat increased. The sweat poured. The fans turned ineffectually. She closed her magazine and began fanning herself with it. I was sure she smelled of expensive perfume. Despite the heat and the sweat she looked cool and collected. A sleeveless white blouse over slim cut jeans emphasized her delicious contours. My eyes drank her in. It was like drinking the cool iced watermelon drink that I could not drink. 

The old man, pale lemon coloured shirt hanging loosely on his bony frame, shuffled forward a step clutching his reservation slip in his gnarled hand. His scrawny neck sticking forwards a little. His mouth still absently agape. His peering eyes fixed on the remote glassed ticket counter ahead. One hour crawled by. And then another. Inching forward, she had by now come to the mid point to the ticket counter. A broad grey granite pillar stood beside her and the old man now. The old man sagged against it. I could feel his weariness creeping in through my skin. 

I wondered, a little irritated, what he was doing in that long queue, in this heat. Didn’t he have anyone with him? Didn’t he know that there was a senior citizen’s counter? I craned my head to look, yes, it was almost empty. I wondered if I should go and tell him. Then decided to mind my business. Anyway he probably had somebody with him. Probably just standing in for a short while. 

I watched her instead. I saw her make a sudden face as she saw the ticketing clerk put a cardboard sign saying “Closed for Lunch” against the glass partition and walk away. It was crazy. Here were all these people, tired, standing for hours in the heat, just to get a ticket, and these guys were actually happily tripping off for a half hour lunch break! Couldn’t they have a rotation system so that the counters were manned 24 hours? At least in peak seasons like this? These guys really treat us people like dirt. 

And why do we take it? Why doesn’t everybody in this hall rise and revolt at this kind of lousy treatment being dished out by these guys who are supposed to be at our service? 

The old man blinked rapidly and turned towards her as if to say something. She moved her face away and opened her magazine again. The old man turned back again and looked a little nonplussed at the closed ticket counter. The half hour plodded by agonizingly slowly. Everyone hung on with stoic determination in their places. 

The clerks returned behind the counters, looking replete. They tapped on their keyboards and the lines began inching forward again. A quarrel broke out at a queue nearby. Somebody had jumped the line. He said all he wanted was to ask a question of the ticketing clerk. The men in the line would have none of it. Go to the enquiry counter he was told. But the man insisted it would only take a moment. Three or four men, eyes smouldering hate, stepped out threateningly. The man retreated back to his place. A lull ensued. The heat smothered. The lines inched on. 

She opened her bag and extracted a flimsy tissue paper and dabbed her neck and face with it. The old man was panting a little. There were only four or five people in front of him to the counter now. His eyes were fixed on the glass counter. A half hour dragged by. At last he was there. At the counter. 

He grabbed the granite lip of the counter as if hanging on for dear life and pushed his slip in through the semi-circle cut into the glass, tentatively. The clerk impatiently grabbed the slip and looked at it frowning. After a moment . . . “Nampally?” he said, “This train goes to Hyderabad . . Do you want to go to Hyderabad?” 

It was difficult to hear through the thick glass partition. The old man gave a desperate look at the clerk, turned a cupped ear to him and said in a cracked voice, “Eh . . . What?” 
The clerk gave him an irritated look and shouted, “Where do you want to go old man?” Looking confused, the old man gave a frightened little start and said in a quavering voice, “I want to go to Nampally . . I have written it there . .” Pointing a withered finger at the slip in the clerk’s hand. 

“ I know what you’ve written here old man, I can read,” the clerk said belligerently shaking the reservation slip at the old man’s face. “You’ve written Nampally,” he continued in a loud voice, “This train goes to Hyderabad . . Do you want to go to Hyderabad?” 
The old man looked perplexed. He began stuttering, mumbling in his confusion . . “I don’t . . know . .” he said in a thin small voice. 

“If YOU don’t know old man then I don’t know too,” saying which he shoved the reservation slip back towards the old man. The clerk reached his hand towards her for her slip, ignoring the old man who grasped his slip and looked helplessly once at it, then at the clerk. She passed her slip to the clerk. 

The clerk looked at it and still in a loud voice said, “Which date? You haven’t put in the date.” 
She replied in a quiet voice, “Any earliest available date.” 
“The earliest available date is one month from now,” said the clerk. 
She said yes that was ok. The clerk began punching the keys at the computer. The old man stood quietly beside her, his mouth open a little wider, his eyes staring at the clerk. 

She spoke to him. She asked, “Where do you want to go, uncle?” 
The old man gave a start and looked at her and, still confused, involuntarily said, “Eh . .” 

She repeated her question a little louder, “Where do you want to travel to?” 
“I want to go to Nampally. My son lives there,” replied the old man. 

A man from behind said, “Nampally is near Hyderabad. Tell him to change the name of the destination to Hyderabad. He must get off at Hyderabad, then take a bus to Nampally.” 

She said, “Uncle change the name to Hyderabad,” and when he looked at her questioningly, she explained why. The old man gave her an embarrassed little smile of comprehension. Pulling out a fountain pen from the pocket of his shirt he laboriously changed the name on the slip of paper. 

The clerk spoke to her in a softer tone, “That will be 735 rupees madam.” She opened her bag, taking out a wad of notes, started counting out the sum. The clerk quietly reached his palm out to the old man for his reservation slip. The old man gave it to him. She gave her money to the clerk, took her ticket, and walked out into the summer heat.

 My line was slower. It took me a little longer to reach my counter. The answer was the same. No tickets to be got at short notice – I walked out ticketless.

hey there,

hey there, have you wondered, how the earth-voice sounds, about how clay-eyes look when they seek how the fluid-flows in seething river-ducts, hey there, how do loam-lips lick moist-kiss, how does the mist-flower wake at the touch of the sun-lakes, and hey, how do toe-slugs and finger-moths dance on the streams of star-flakes, how do thirst-tongues taste nectar-dew flecks, how do fairy-strands weave fire tales around the night-blaze, and hey, and hey, how, how does the magic-moon glow silver rainbow flames, how do rhododendrons nod their heads in dream-slumber in the mountain-air, hey, hey, how do you hear a velvet-melody throbbing in venus-veins of the wind-air far away, is it some-one in the flesh-folds of some green-valley playing a tender tune on his flame-flute, or is it just a froth-wind whispering sweet-somethings through the leaf-tresses of his forest-sprite, and hey, how does rain-moss caress fern-feathers, how do cloud-rivers waft over ribbons of rain-gloss, and, hey there, have you wondered about the motionless night waiting with life-breath stopped listening to the dribble-drip-drip of the dusk-storm hiding in heaven-clouds, and, and hey, have you wondered what the black-dove dreams, silver motionless spiralling sparking sparkling igniting passioning lilting lilac-wildfire whirlwind-imaginings, hey, hey, hey - hey there,

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Yet I listen for your voice

I listen for your voice in the contorted brittle bones of the night illuminated by ages of wrinkled moon filtering through cloudy skin the face sputtering like a cotton wick in an emptying lamp spouting fumes of longings belongings percolating through the ether like flour shaken through a sieve kneaded into tensile dough. And each day arrives and departs fluttering like clouds of butterflies in long lost gardens of bloom. Every clump of raw earth like scarred stranded driftwood. And I suspended on the shredded stump of a nebulous umbilical cord winding through the words I conjure and strew through mile upon mile of silences. Of time rambling like the nomadic peregrinations of multihued gypsy tribes wandering across boundaries of memories. One day they are there setting up camp their cooking fires bubbling and steaming their naked children laughing and screaming. The next day they have disappeared without a trace only a few smouldering fires regurgitating ghosts of shadows. The sands slip through the narrow arteries of unmentioned unspoken ties where seas of heartbeats drown the shores. Stranded in this flimsy boat I row with mighty strokes only to feel the strong tug of invisible tethers that bind me to the shore. A shore filled with shattered shacks bloated bodies drowned in their sleep a cemented floor bereft of its walls and windows. The coastline being torn apart by acres of aching saltwater lagoons. Yet I listen for your voice.

Monday, July 21, 2014

A cry;

The dust obscures the luminous evening star; As the cows are driven home by Ananda the cowherd; Gobinda the village headman takes his daughter Aruna’s horoscope to the astrologer; To find a husband for her;

The trees dance and bend in bowers; She looks at him in wonder; He takes her by her hand and they wander; Aruna and Ananda; Through paths lit by crystal fires; Under a sky as tender; As a newborn flower; Quivering silver; In a monsoon shower;

The grass greets the rain with a green shiver; Of inflamed desire; The cicada calls its lover; With a prayer; Sung in a hoarse whisper; The frog croaks an entreaty into the thunder; The wind replies with a murmur; Of a rumour;

That the peacock is dancing with his tail unfurled in a blue-green shimmer; In the forest cover; And that the crows the jackals the wolves and the hyenas are struck dumb and silently gather; And hover in the shadows with the vultures; As the cloud banishes the hot summer; And the honey-bee plunders; A last mouthful of nectar; And while the hibiscus ponders; Aruna is wedded to Rajinder; The son of Gobinda’s neighbour; A caste brother;

The lightning rips the sky asunder; In the forest the dancing peacock falls into the jaws of dark hunters; And the crows the jackals the wolves the hyenas and the vultures feast on the peacock’s bloodied feathers; In the seething river the boat flounders; Pulling on its tether; And in the distance -- a cry lingers;

Saturday, July 19, 2014

against the wind

sliding out from the smooth linen

of slumber – gliding out like a motor-less glider

through the woven fibres of tunnels

of remembrances

floating in slow motion

arms extended like a five fingered albatross

clutching stray cloudlets caught in the

jagged folds of craggy stone-tipped histories


strewn with bits of skin, flesh, a tuft of feather, a scrap of limb,

a gasping beak, desperately flailing wing

torn tattered, bleeding, impaled on thorn-flowers –


waking up to today’s tenacity

trying out new wings against the wind