Just Be...In Bliss

He made jest (of my overwrought words, I admit)
And my heart twisted in pain
Though I must hurry to explain
It was just a momentary lapse on my part
When I forgot one of Life's hard lessons
I had with difficulty learnt---
In order to avoid the pain of disappointment
One must eschew expecting anything from anybody
--Including from even He (my fictitious Love)--
And "Just Be in Bliss" in the present moment, Now
Let insignificant pains of jests (from even He, my Fiction)
Come and go, flow over Me
Like water on a duck's feathers, And
-- Just Be in Bliss --
Without need for even He

So here I am
Sitting cross legged
Eyes shut tight
To the golden Sun
Ears deaf
To the Koel's
Sweet song
In deep meditation
Just Being...in Bliss!

Silly poetic me

Before cold reality
Like ice water
Was smacked
Across my
Silly poetic eyes
And smashed
The rose tinted glasses
Silly poetic me
Loved to wear
I used to weave
Silly stories
About the Sun
Whom I adored
As the brightest
Light
In my sky
I imagined
The koel's calls
Were love songs
She sang
Tirelessly
To her adored
Sun
I strode
Across
Hard tarmac
As if I walked
On velvet plush
Carpets
I saw gold
Dripping
From
Sun drenched
Leaves
When
The trees
Quivered
In a shower
Of rain

My silly poetic soul
Quivered
In tune
With
All the sights
And sounds
I beheld
And
All the while
I hummed
Melodies
Silly poetic Me
Created
Out of
Nothing

So, dear Anonymous
I want to thank you
From
The bottom
Of my
Silly poetic heart
For
Splashing
The ice water
Of reality
On my
Silly poetic face
It is important indeed
To know
The difference
Between
The fiction
Silly poetic Me
Conjures up
From the
Nothing
That harsh
Reality
Is really made of

The sun
It is just
A gaseous orb
The koel
Is merely a bird
Its calls meaningless
Sounds
The trees, the rain
And all that stuff
Are just matter
That occur
Randomly
The hard tarmac
Is just that
Hard and unbending

It's far better
To look
Squarely
At the world
In the harsh
Glare of reality
And, thankfully
Now my sleepless
Nights
Devoid
Of silly poetic
Dreams
Are
Peacefully dead

Make believe love song

When the Sun
Hides behind
Dark cloud
The koel stops
Singing her
Make believe
Love song
She loses
Her illusion
Of illumination
Wracked in
Dark doubt

And then
A crack
In the cloud
The Sun
Sheds
A brilliant
Shard of light
Illuminating
Her make believe
World
Dispelling
Dark doubt

The koel
Finds
Her voice
Once more
Wallows
Blithely
In her illusions
Once more
Sings her
Make believe
Love song
Once more

My fictitious Love

My fictitious Love
For whom I write
Page after page
Of overwrought words
Are you just fiction
Or do you really exist
---A real person---
Lurking in the silence
With which you enshroud yourself
Hidden from my searching eyes
Between the pages
On which I write
My dreams about You
And Me
Fiction though it may be

My fictitious Love
Are you a real person
Who plays hide and seek
Between my story book pages
Waylaying me in the
Various camouflages
That you wear and discard
Appearing, disappearing, appearing
Again and again
With every turn of a page
Which I create perhaps
To trick myself perhaps
Into momentary magical moments
Of wonderment, of beatitude,
Of dreamy certitudes
Fiction though it may be

But, my fictitious Love,
Even while we play our endless
Games of make believe
And I keep creating and recreating
You -- my main, my only -- Protagonist
The Hero I wring, squeeze, exude
From my fervid, fervent imagination
The champion who wins every accolade
In every field of endeavour
The warrior who defends me, protects me
From every adversary
The illustrious star who strides
Head held high through
The pages of the story I write
Sometimes I wonder
How will our story end
What will be the fate of this tale
Is it going to be a tawdry tragedy
You know, one of those tearjerkers
That leave you so mushy and sad
Or is it going to be one of those spectacular
'They lived happily ever after'
Fairy tale endings
We love to see in the movies
As we ride off arm in arm
Into the sunset of a rosy horizon!

Fiction often has this propensity
To mimic Life--
Until we turn to the last page
---Yet to be written---
It can be full of hidden uncertainties

My invisible companion, playmate, soulmate..

Why won't you speak to me, my invisible companion, playmate, soulmate? I know you're there, I know you care.. Then why the silence? I know our hearts beat in tune.. Then why will you not acknowledge it? It doesn't have to be publicly, openly.. You can stay anonymous, if that is what you want, dear Anonymous. Can't you talk to me, dear Anonymous? Won't you share the secrets of your heart.. all about your life.. when were you born.. where did you grow up.. what, how were you as a child, as a teenager, a young adult, and now, what makes you tick as a man..?

What were your dreams about then.. What are your dreams about now? What do you do when you wake up in the morning.. What do you busy yourself with during the day.. What is the last thing you think of as you shut your eyes in sleep at night? Who cradled you to sleep when you were young, who cradles you now?

My dusky skinned love, I long to look deep into your eyes.. and seek your soul in them, if you would let me. With your gentle ways, you spread sweetness in my life.. I hold dear, and preserve, every little interaction we've had, as a precious memory..keepsakes that I shall keep in the secret corners of my heart.. To bring out sometimes..to reminisce about..smile wistfully about.. About what was perhaps never meant to be.. And even as I say these words, my heart twists in pain. Won't you tell me what reminisces you keep in the secret chambers of your heart?

My gentle eyed love, with skin like the dusk; I don't quite remember when exactly it was that I first noticed your gentle voice; When, at which exact point of time, on which exact day - was it a morning, evening, or night - which month, which year..that you came into my life. When was it that our hearts first met, and recognised each other, and spoke to each other in the secret language of lovers?
When was it that I first began to weave my hopeless dreams?

Won't you come and walk beside me in the sun dappled or rain soaked pathways I traverse? Won't you unbind your voice, your heart, and just talk to me? About anything.. about the music you love.. about what you read about.. about what you feel passionately about.. about the weather.. about the little vexations that occur in your life.. about the little joys that sprinkle your days. Give me homilies.. teach me the things you know.. care about.. I want to listen to the music of your thoughts.

Every time I reach out to you.. to connect with you at a deeper level, you withdraw...create distance between us. I wonder why.. Is it because you're tied to someone else? If that be so, I would honour her..and silence myself. But can't you, won't you tell me if that is what it is? If that is what it is, can't we be just friends?

Won't you speak to me, my invisible companion, playmate, soulmate?

Beyond the next bend

The air rushes with carsickness

Small globules of bile, yellowed, bitter like neem

roil in the watery sun

Fingers trail the jet streams, ears listen

to the sharp edges. the smell of metallic diesel

internally combusting

suffuses the sullen season of reasons

treason spikes the hills with sharp crimsons

where the road twists and loops, twice and thrice,

to trace back its origins

like a life line etched inside a doll’s stiffened hands --

Leaning over the dangerous periphery

of imaginations, you fall belter skelter through the

cloud-gaps over the prostrated flat lands below

where dwarf trees and stunted houses are shunted

like shabby picture print-outs tossed

sloppily—



Your eyes are transfixed on a point

beyond the next bend.

I need

I need to
Hold your hand
I need to feel
Your need to
Hold my hand
I need to hear
Your voice
Telling me
You need to hear
My voice
I need to hear
You say
You need me

Each time I think of you
Seek you in the clouds, in the skies,
In the trees rustling in the breeze
In the koel's voice piercing like a knife
In the shudder of thunder
In the sound of sputtering rain
Each time I wonder about you
Every moment of day and night
In my waking hours, in my dreams
I know you're there, somewhere
Yet remain enshrouded
In your cloud of silence
Piercing me like a knife

Sometimes I think it's just a fantasy
I pace up and down restlessly
Through sun dappled streets
And wonder if we were ever meant to be
Often I tell myself I must find the strength
To face reality that it's just a fantasy
But that silly heart of mine
Refuses to understand
Refuses to be strong
With every throbbing beat
Clings to this impossible dream
Fantasy though it may be

Fantasy though it may be
Still I cling helplessly, hopelessly
To this impossible dream
That you need me just as much
As I need you

I need to
Hold you in my arms
I need to feel
You need to
Hold me in your arms
I need to hear
Your voice
Telling me
You need to hear
My voice
I need to hear
You say
I need you
I need to say
I love you
I need to hear you say
I love you